yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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