So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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