I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
