Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
