Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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