First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
