if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
