Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
