ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize