his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
