it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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