when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
