I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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