I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
