Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
