You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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