Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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