I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
