I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
