Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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