I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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