I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
