BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We smell like vodka and hangover
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