i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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