my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
