help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
