there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
