Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
