I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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