We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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