Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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