she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
