I am midnight drunk by noon
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
