I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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