brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
