Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
