That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
