woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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