She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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