last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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