I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
