He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
