WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
