People in love make me want to vomit
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize