Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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