Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
