Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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