i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
