so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
