All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
