Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize