Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
