in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
