I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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