swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
