I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
