Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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