If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
