I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
