Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
