do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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