we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
