im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize