so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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