All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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