all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize